When your family (immediate and extended) receives a diagnosis of “Autism” (seriously it doesn’t even BEGIN to matter where on the spectrum) ALL things change. The changes evolve in daily living, future plans and especially in the way one relates to the world.
Within the mindset we CHOOSE when our son was diagnosed 15 years or so ago, the mindset to heal and support his pursuit back to well, most of our superficial relationships fell off a cliff. Our extended families remained, and we stood still, for the most part, in “social time”.
Moving forward to today, when our boys (the astronaut and his heroic brother) are healthier and more mature, we are beginning to breathe again. Still we live in a certain and special framework, but are beginning to live a little more out loud. Life is good. We know it, and live it. Life is good.
Today, I just know that Zuckerberg got it right. The mighty, mighty Facebook really is AMAZING. I have to be one of the last people in the world who held out, never had the “time”, didn’t have the “gumption”, and wanted my “privacy”. Whatever. WOW! It is because of Facebook that I am inspired to write this blog entry. Since my social life fell off the cliff, it is a little simpler to look back at the relationships that really matter – and have been valid all these years since our “autism” diagnosis so long ago.
Initially, I had a handful of people to add to my “friends” list, sincerely they are the most important in my life.
Janice, my first “other mother”, who nurtured me spiritually, told me OUT LOUD how cute I was and supported my friendship with her youngest son, Trent. Trent, my very first friend, who I re-connected with on Facebook a few months ago – he was and IS a superior educator. When I was in kindergarten and he was in 1st grade, it was Trent who took the time to tutor me in fractions. Yes, I was able to understand fractional math at the age of 5. I will never forget that moment – after I worked so hard in my bedroom to spell and write my name – that Trent went on to demonstrate how much more there is to know and learn. My first friend, Trent Ling, has gone on to surpass his education from Duke University to further educate the world. He shines brightest in the pictures of himself and his beautiful family traveling all over this world, and I am so proud to know him and someday I hope to meet up again with him and his family.
Trent’s family friend, Mrs. Shelley, was best friends with my now “other mother” Cynthia. Mrs. Shelley drove me, at the age of 5 or 6 years of age, between where Trent lived and where I live now. Mrs. Shelley, who was best friends with Cynthia, (my next other mother) knew I was so alone in this new place, wanted Cynthia’s kids to know me, too. What a boon! My other mother’s daughter, Jenny and I have been friends from that time to now. Cynthia’s youngest daughter, Laina, son Damon and I all still friends to share and celebrate family events. Thank you Barbara….I honor you here and thank you for your kindness and help when I was so young……again, I thank you.
Last night, Jenny, my long time friend, posted a picture of her Dad, James, on Facebook. It was his birthday, and she was reminiscing how long he had been gone (over 18 years) – I was so moved seeing his picture that I cried. I never cry….it is not in my soul or nature to do so since my son was diagnosed Autistic. Talking to my husband tonight, telling him how undone I was about the post of Jenny’s Father, my “other father”, reminded me to be grateful and thankful for the relationships I have, have had – and will always have in my life. Those enriching relationships where we will take a bullet for our friend – surpassing those who we would hold up as a human shield when fired upon.
Thank you, Janice, Trent, Cynthia, Barbara, Jennifer, Laina and Damon. I honor you all, here. Again – it really is within the relationships we have that we grow to be the people we are. I again, thank you all…… ~ Wendy Frye
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” ~ Proverbs 22:6